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For centuries women have lived with the mythology of “being rescued.” This mythology has been part of our genetic coding and imbedded in our psyches. As little girls we read stories about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.  We played out these fantasies with our Barbie and Ken dolls (I did. I even added in GI Joe to take care of my Barbie doll).

Generations of women fell under a spell. We believed that a prince on a white horse would take us away to a dreamy castle in the woods where we would live happily forever and ever (I love the movie “Pretty Woman!”). And, while we spent countless hours planning family vacations, baby showers, school activities and science projects for our children our prince would financially take care of us.

A recent TV commercial validates this point. Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York was reading a bedtime story to a little girl. “Someday,” she says dreamily, “your knight will come on a great white stallion…and he will whisk you away to a beautiful castle and he will marry you and give you everything your heart desires, forever and ever.”

“Of course, if it doesn’t work out,” she adds briskly, “you’ll need to understand the difference between a P/E ratio and a dividend yield.”

Such was the case with Joan who is now 58 years of age.  Her husband died unexpectedly 5 years ago. He told her for the past 15 years of his life, “don’t worry, we are doing well financially and everything is taken care of.” When he died, she found out they had over $100,000 in credit card debt and he let his life insurance lapse. Her tears were laced with anger at both him and herself for trusting that “everything would be taken care of.” Joan wasn’t normally a woman who lived with her head in the sand, except when it came to money.

In Carly Fiorina’s book, Tough Choices A Memoir, she speaks about her relationship with finances in her first marriage to her husband Todd. She tells us she paid no attention to finances, she left it all up to him. When their marriage broke up, she was shocked at the state of their finances. The blinders came off, the spell broken and Carly committed she would never again allow herself to be hands off when it came to finances.

We need to “break the spell,” of financial innocence before it is broken for us with a crisis (like death of a spouse, divorce, illness, etc). One way to “break the spell,” is to  shift from financial vagueness to financial clarity in every area of your financial life (earning, savings, spending and giving).

The first time my husband and I looked at our finances straight on, I used an entire box of kleenex and left our financial counselor’s office with swollen eyes. I was angry at myself and my husband for the hole of debt we dug ourselves into. At that time I was living with blinders on in hopes that “magically,” things would just work out on their own. You know, “intuitive finance!”

Looking at our numbers grounded me in a deep way. That clarity coupled with our tenacity to overcome adversity turned our financial situation around. Did it take time? Yes, it did. Behavior changes and ways of thinking don’t change over-night. We began to learn that true financial intimacy is about transparency and the courage to look at what is. Over time, not only did the blinders come off, we showed up as equal partners in taking care of our finances! You can too!

Here are four ways you can begin “breaking the spell.”

• Bite into the apple of innocence. Obtain your credit report. Look at and understand your score. Make sure your credit report is accurate and make corrections as needed. Share your report with your partner and have him/her share their report with you.
• Take stock of your kingdom. Obtain reports of all your investment | savings accounts and know what the balances are in each account.
• Slay your debt dragons. Obtain current reports of any debts you owe. Understand the interest you are paying on these debts and the balance of each debt.
• Consult with your council of experts. Call your insurance broker | agent and have them review all of your policies with you on an annual basis. Ask questions. Make sure you understand your policies, your coverage and the cost of your premiums.
• Get as comfortable with your financial numbers as you are with your clothing sizes (numbers are numbers!) Know your checking account balance on a daily basis. Track your expenses and income and know where your money is going.

IN THE DARK OF NIGHT…A MIRACLE HAPPENED

I believe in miracles and I believe they happen each day  to every one of us, if we stay conscious and present to what is happening around us. In this season of love, I want to share a personal story of a miracle that happened to me, on an ordinary day.

Upon wakening, I felt exhausted. I began noticing irritants while showering. I was out of hair conditioner, my new toothbrush’s bristles were too rough on my teeth, my favorite soap was a sliver of a bar.

My car was running on fumes (just like its owner). I was worried about a friend who was in the hospital and I couldn’t shake “worry thoughts” out of my mind. To boot, I had a full day of appointments that were long overdue and I stuffed them all into one day (not recommended). At the end of the day I had my annual physical, mammogram and blood tests all done.

Once I got home, the dishwasher broke, the oven wouldn’t heat on it’s regular “bake” setting, and one of our dogs wasn’t looking like he felt so good.

At one point in my day, I started crying and praying at the same time. I wanted this day to be over. The heaviness from what I was carrying around mentally and the negativity I was swirling in was too much for me. My nervous system was on overload and I don’t do so well living in that space anymore.

I began thinking about how I could shake this heaviness off of me and what came to mind was to take a long walk. It was cold outside and dark. It was the kind of night that called to a roaring fire, a good book and a down comforter.

Yet, I knew my body and mind could benefit from physical movement. Moving my body has always helped me shift negative energy out of my space.

So, bundled up, off I went. Me and the dogs (them with a wag in their tail). The air was crisp and a couple of inhales and exhales made the little celia in my lungs stand up and take notice. The cold air made me feel alive. I could see my breath (a sign I was indeed alive in spite of how I felt).

Movement, breath, wagging dog tails, and mesmerized by the outdoor holiday lights in my neighborhood began to shift my mood. I started to feel more grounded. I began thinking I needed to release worry energy (I come by it naturally) and have faith that my friend in the hospital would be OK and that tomorrow would be a new day.

As I picked up my pace (now in a dark canyon), a woman’s voice out of no-where said, “hello honey.” I jumped and was startled. I didn’t readily see her. She was on the side of the road, approached me and said, “I bet you had a hard day, how about you take this boquet I just picked (it was 10pm at night) and take it home and enjoy it. These are angels trumpets, a night shade flower and they have a beautiful fragrance. Just don’t eat them because they are hallucinogenic.”

Once I accepted them, she was gone. You can see how beautiful they are from my iphone photo above.

In the dark night, out of the blue, I came home with a boquet of angel trumpets whose fragrance graced my home for about 3 days. I took this as a sign that my prayers had been heard and it was a beautiful way to end a day. I slept well that night.

I am sharing this with you because this experience touched my heart in a deep way. I’ve never been given flowers by a stranger on a dark street while walking my dogs and releasing negativity. These flowers were a sign of hope and the experience felt other worldly.

Why am I sharing this on a financial blog? Because little moments like these are miracles of abundance. I have them in my life and so do you. All we have to do is be awake to appreciate them. This miracle shifted me to  a space of grace and gratitude (very different from the space I’d been in all day long).

Here’s to all of us, staying more present to the magic of love in all its forms. Happiest of holidays.

READY TO CREATE A BIG ABUNDANT LIFE?

Abundance is an internal experience of fulfillment, having enough in life, and an appreciation for what is. It is a state of being, a sacred space in which to live and view life. For me, it takes conscious effort to stay and live in this space. Life events, if I let them, can propel me out of this state in nano-seconds and into the space of scarcity.

I wasn’t always a person who experienced abundance. Habits of perfectionism and a heavy critical voice living in my head for years, blocked me from seeing a life of plenty and beauty. Maybe due to age, accessing inner wisdom, my connection to the Divine and staying committed to my own inner work…has changed this.

I am not an expert. I am a seeker of knowledge, one who enjoys living in the mystery of life, and one who trys to make sense of life experiences by looking at them as lessons to grow from.

In that light, I share with you what has worked for me, to help me shift to living (more moments than not) in the space of abundance. Join me in conversation and ideas. Please.

So, here are some behaviors I practice that allow me to stay for longer periods in this sacred space.

(1) I believe all that happens to me is the Universe’s way of propelling me toward my highest good (even the painful things) and it is not until I am “through” something…that I can look backwards, connect the dots and actually see the sequences and purpose of what unfolded. In looking back, I see how a life event “moved” me toward a vision I have been holding. Noticing this gives me an experience that I am being supported by the Universe. Make sense?

(2) This year, I started to make decisions and take action on those decisions from a “gut level,” rather than a cognitive “head” level. My gut doesn’t care about the approval of others. It cares about what is best for me. Honoring my “gut” helps me to say “No” to things, rather than say “Yes, with a resentful heart. Saying “No” with an open heart, brings me the experience of abundance…because I carefully choose what is in my life and what is not invited in at any given moment. How do you choose?

(3) I have Type “A” tendencies, and used to, book clients and appointments back to back. This was insane and a set up for exhaustion and depletion, which is part of what “scarcity and deprivation” energy is all about…creating experiences with TIME, ENERGY, and MONEY…where there isn’t “enough.” Now, I create spaces between appointments so I have time to go to the bathroom, drink water, take a few breaths of fresh air and enjoy a few minutes petting my dogs before going on to another appointment commitment.

(4) In honoring my energy, I work on eating foods that give me fuel rather than deplete me. I choose relationships where there is a balance between “giving and receiving.” I allow relationships to dwindle where I perceive there are gross imbalances and where I feel I am constantly giving. I work on this stuff in an ongoing way.

(5) With money, I spend wisely. I ask myself if what I am spending is bringing me the amount of fulfillment in relation to the time I spent earning that money. If it doesn’t, I don’t make the purchase.

These are some of the ways I bring the energy of abundance into my life, some of the practices that support the state of “enough” for me. I am interested in hearing what works for you.

The more we can talk about this, the more we support one another in being in this state of “enough” in all life areas. Who knows, living in this state in many ways is an economy of our time, energy and money…and instead of spending more (in time, energy and money)…we can conserve and build up our reserves in all three of these areas.

What are your thoughts?

Yoga has been a part of my life for over 30 years and it is only recently I am seeing how lessons in yoga can apply to one’s money life, especially with the roller coaster market going on. Here’s how.

The breath is the life force in yoga. It is called prana. Working with the breath controls the mind and balances energy in the body.

LESSON #1:

MOVEMENT FOLLOWS BREATH (not the other way around)

Yogic breathing increases oxygen to the brain, soothes the nervous system, brings clarity of thought, improves concentration, stills the mind, and increases our ability to deal with complex situations without suffering from stress.

The breath opens both mental and physical places of constriction. This is why “breathing into a pose,” deepens one’s pose. The breath relaxes the body, while softening the mind’s fear that the body can actually do the pose.

So, how is this relevant to dealing with Wall Street?

What if we breathed into Wall Street? What if we oxygenated our fear and relaxed our inability to control the markets? Instead of making quick jerky movements (selling, buying, or getting out of the market all together)…

What if we took deep breaths first, cleared our minds and let in the knowing (mentally and emotionally)… it is the nature of the market to fluctuate, some days more than others. Can we embrace the knowing that markets are doing what markets do? That as long as we have sought wise counsel in managing our assets, to “let them be” and detach from the ups and downs…

LESSON #2:

“IT IS WHAT IT IS”(in this given moment)

In yoga, labeling the breath is bringing attention to your personal rhythm of “inhale, pause, exhale.” Your rhythm “is what it is.” No need to fret. If you want to extract more mental and physiological benefits from your breath, practice deeper inhales and more emptying exhales.

What if we “labeled” our finances in the same way with centering clarity. “Savings is what it is right now.” “Debt is what it is right now.” “Cash Flow is what it is right now.” If we want to improve our money picture, it can be done slowly and sane-ly “from where it is right now,” with calculated, practiced, rhythmic movements (healthy money habits).

Knowing and labeling “what is,” places us in an observation mode, a space of non-reactivity. From this space of clarity, we can then make adjustments to create more full breaths or a different financial picture.

There is tremendous power when we are in a state of observation. This space allows us to better respond than react to “what is.” Good for yoga and good for money. Don’t you agree?

As I gain more insights in relating yoga concepts and money, I will be excited to share them with you!