Home - Denise Hughes Author Speaker Money Coach

True confessions. I tend to be a worry wart. Anxiety can overwhelm me at times. I over-analyze and desire to know the “why” of it all. This combination of brain chemistry isn’t exactly wired for fun times. It can place a halt on the flow of my life.

One of the things I want to share with you is the difference hiking has made in my life and why I am profoundly in love with it. When my feet move, my breath deepens, I sweat, and in a short while, my
body experiences a wash of calm. The thoughts circling in my head tend to disappear. My senses take over, and take me on a journey of beauty, witnessing nature around me. Kind of like an iMax theater experience. I begin feeling relaxation in my body and a sense of one-ness with all around me.

As my feet move, I feel my thoughts move as well. Movement of my feet, opens my mind and expands my view, literally and figuratively. Soon, creative solutions come forth, that did not have room to unfold, in prior spaces of constriction. New ways of framing a situation, a sudden ah-hah about how this thing of discomfort is a blessing in disguise and something I’ve been asking for is now seen. Space, way more space opens up for me…in my breath, my heart and my thoughts.

I begin to notice how the oak trees roots wind around rocks that could be perceived as obstacles. Yet, the roots got to where they were going to receive nourishment from the earth. So I ask, how can I go around my obstacles and get to a place of where I want to be? How might I approach this dilemma from a new way?

What’s this have to do with your money life? Everything. I invite you to take one of your money dilemmas to nature and “hike it out.” Feet to the earth, deep breaths, chest out, beauty magnifier on, soak it all in. FEEL the expansion. Ask nature to open you to a new way of framing your concern. Invite in a new perspective. Ask nature for creative solutions. See what comes. Let me know. I’m curious!

“If I look at my accounts, it will scare me…and then I won’t be able to buy what I want…and if I look, I will see what I don’t have…is a common money belief.”

Ummm…this isn’t always the case. Beth looked and gasped, big gulpy gasp when she saw that she had a little over $100,000 in a retirement account she didn’t know she had. Liz gulped when she saw that unbeknownst to her, her checking account was overflowing with a cushion of about $10,000 prior to her getting paid that month.

Now, this isn’t always the case, where “the act of looking,” is like opening up a holiday gift present. It certainly wasn’t the case for me, when for the first time I opened myself to look at all $60,000 of our debt. A box of tissues helped me get through it all, along with being pissed that we were in this place…that put us into action mode.

I think the first time we “look,” especially when we haven’t looked in a long time, is scary. Our worst fears, catastrophic thoughts, and “holy shit, how am I going to make it,” fears surface. Our throats tighten, stomachs knot-up and hearts beat faster. Deep deep breaths and heart softening help greatly here.

Yet, in the looking…something beautiful happens. We begin to step into the space of clarity for ourselves and our money. This is the only space I know, where change begins, in this space of “looking.” It is in this space where we can begin to bring in the qualities of “compassion, kindness, and understanding.” These are the qualities that “slay” our scared dragon. If we can begin to be willing to release our shame, harsh judgement, and blame, we can open ourselves to coming into a sacred space with money.

I have witnessed hundreds if not thousands of clients now, come into a place of peace with money, by taking the first step of “looking.” What often follows is “wow, it’s not as bad as I thought it was,” or “I can do this,” or “I am ready to create and change this picture.”
And one of the biggest gifts in “looking,” is that we begin to release the story, “If I look, then I can’t have.” We begin to create a new story that might go something like this, “I’m looking, I’m strategizing, I’m creating, I got this money thing.”

I ask you dear reader, “what in your money life is pulling you to be looked at?” What are you willing to open your eyes to, softly? Let me know. I’d love to hear and be a witness for you on your journey.
Blessings xxxx, Denise

Denise Interviewed by Melanie McGhee

I had the wonderful pleasure of being interviewed by Melanie McGhee, a deep listener, a lover of rumi, a yogi, and a beautiful soul who helps others to open their hearts, come back to center and to live a life of who they really are.

Melanie says, “I have a foot in two worlds. I am an experienced psychotherapist and coach who specializes in the use spiritual technologies for spiritual and personal evolution. Listening deeply, I help people open their heart and come back to center. In that return to center, my clients learn to live a balanced life and develop a new lens through which to experience their inner world and their outer life.”

This is an interview exploring the relationship between money and yoga and how we can bring the energy of yoga to our money life.

This was a very fun interview for me to do and one of my first. Thank you Melanie my love for this opportunity being with you over this conversation.

And if you want to listen to Melanie’s TED Talk, you can listen here! Her teachings are life changing!

“Denise, put forth a STRONG ASK,” says one of my ever so wise business mentors, while guiding me in birthing a program near and dear to my heart. Her words of wisdom reverberate over and over, sending ripples of awareness throughout, leading me to explore more deeply what a STRONG ASK is for me.

When I ask God for a healing for myself or another, I do that with a STRONG ASK. Often on my knees, I imagine connecting directly with God energy,  plus a council consisting of the Blessed Mother, Padre Pio, Archangel Michael, Jesus, and a few others I grew up with. And when I ask them to intervene, to bless a situation, I ask with my whole heart. And this ASK is one I can feel with my whole body. It is an “ask” rooted in deep feeling from a heart request. A distinct feeling washes over me letting me know I have been heard. Yes, this is a STRONG ASK.

This gets me to wondering if a STRONG ASK, is an ask filtered through the heart, connected to Source energy? That is sounding right for me. An ask of deep desire, pure intention, sent as a request on the wings of angels.

Yes, a STRONG ASK, is void of all my mind chatter. Mind chatter left over from childhood declaring “it is a sign of weakness to ask for help,” or “if you want it done right do it yourself,” or “projecting rejection on the ask before it ever gets asked,” clog up my flow in asking. Or, a moldy belief that “women shouldn’t ask, but wait to be asked.”

Since my mentor lit up my awareness around a strong ask, I’ve been practicing. I have a true story to share with you about a strong ask related to money.

A little background to help out here. About two years ago, our beloved investment advisor retired. A new person took over the management of his firm and we had hoped it would be a good fit for us. It wasn’t a good fit. Lots of fear set in for me that my husband and I would not meet our investment goals over this important next phase of our lives.

My anxiety was growing. My inner knowing was speaking loudly to me, “this is not the right fit. you have enough evidence this isn’t the right fit. move forward.” I appreciated my decreasing capacity to stay in a situation that wasn’t right for me, for us.

I had many talks with the Universe that went “please help us find a person who can help us, a firm of smarts, creativity, similar values and please let this happen soon.”

Then this past year, I gave a talk to a group of financial advisors at their annual get together and ended up staying for the weekend with them. I really connected with one advisor and philosophy of the firm, heart to heart. Tanya imaginatively appeared on my shoulder, loudly whispering in my ear, put forth a STRONG ASK here Denise. So I did, with my full heart. I asked to become one of their clients with my whole heart.

The response back was, “I am so sorry, we take clients with portfolios of three million or higher.” While disappointed and honoring of this boundary at the same time, I asked again. This time for three best recommendations for advisors who take clients with the amount we had in our portfolio.

When I got home from this annual get together, I received an email from this advisor, that said, “I will be glad to work with you and your husband if this is still something you desire. We have like minded values and that is something I value and something that connects us in a wonderful way.”

So, here we are now, working with a firm of heart centered, value based folks with a great reputation. We feel deeply cared for. This all came about from a STRONG ASK. An “ask” that came from my heart. And, a “yes” came from this firm’s  heart.

I am learning. Practicing “asking” on the canvas of my life, with my whole heart for what I want and need. It feels cleaner, more spiritually aligned with who I really am, and I believe the curiosity in this exploration of a STRONG ASK, will open me in a new way, a more expansive way. This teaching is a blessing beyond measure. Thank you wise woman Tanya, for helping me to deepen into a STRONG ASK from my heart in all the arenas of my life.

What is a STRONG ASK for you? What arena of your life do you easily engage in a strong ask? What arena of your life is your ask a bit weaker? I would love to hear from you.

xxxx

We all got ’em, those often unwritten, unspoken, rules about how we are supposed to “do holiday gift giving.” These are the internal messages, aka mind chatter voices, that can rule us over the holiday season.

Some of them go like this:

“I have to spend the same amount on each person”

“A lot of little things are better than one big present”

“I need to match the gift I think they will be getting me”

“I have to buy everyone in the family, even cousins a gift, because it’s been done that way forever”

“Gifts can only come from high end stores”

“I have to purchase what was asked for”

When I was a little girl, the unspoken rule around holiday gifting was “one big present, three or more smaller ones,” for the immediate family. Money was mostly given to all other than the immediate family with the thought of “oh this will help them buy what they want.”

When I got married, my husband had a set of gift giving rules he lived by too. He tells me gift limits were “set,” per person, and it was OK to go over the limit set but not under the limit.

Over the holiday, it is good to get in touch with and shine some light on our internal gift giving rules. These rules often determine what we give, how much and to whom we give. We might even ask ourselves if these internal rules are something we want to modify, shift, or release. Consciously “re-designing” our internal rules can bring up conflicting emotions such as guilt, relief, inadequacy, and feelings of freedom. A re-design  of inner rules can also upset the chatter going on in our heads and we can bump up against believing we will be disapproved of if we do gift giving in a different way,  in a way that may better resonate with our values and bank account.

Here are some questions of inquiry to support you in finding your own way of gift giving:

~How much do I want to spend this year and how much can I spend without going into revolving credit card debt?

~What is my main focus this year with gifts? Do I want to give in the way of shared experiences or to give a material item?

~What are my internal unwritten unspoken gift giving rules?

~How are these rules honoring me? How are these rules hurting me?

~If my bank account doesn’t support the amount I want to spend in gift giving, how can I use my creativity to give?

~What emotional capacity do I have or what support do I need to do gift giving in a way that honors me while shifting my internal childhood rules?

Also, if you aren’t familiar with Gary Chapman’s work on the 5 languages of love, you might check out his book and to allow his book to be a guide for your holiday expression of love.

WISHING YOU AND YOURS A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY!