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The “If I look, I can’t have” money belief

If I look I can't have

“If I look at my accounts, it will scare me…and then I won’t be able to buy what I want…and if I look, I will see what I don’t have…is a common money belief.”

Ummm…this isn’t always the case. Beth looked and gasped, big gulpy gasp when she saw that she had a little over $100,000 in a retirement account she didn’t know she had. Liz gulped when she saw that unbeknownst to her, her checking account was overflowing with a cushion of about $10,000 prior to her getting paid that month.

Now, this isn’t always the case, where “the act of looking,” is like opening up a holiday gift present. It certainly wasn’t the case for me, when for the first time I opened myself to look at all $60,000 of our debt. A box of tissues helped me get through it all, along with being pissed that we were in this place…that put us into action mode.

I think the first time we “look,” especially when we haven’t looked in a long time, is scary. Our worst fears, catastrophic thoughts, and “holy shit, how am I going to make it,” fears surface. Our throats tighten, stomachs knot-up and hearts beat faster. Deep deep breaths and heart softening help greatly here.

Yet, in the looking…something beautiful happens. We begin to step into the space of clarity for ourselves and our money. This is the only space I know, where change begins, in this space of “looking.” It is in this space where we can begin to bring in the qualities of “compassion, kindness, and understanding.” These are the qualities that “slay” our scared dragon. If we can begin to be willing to release our shame, harsh judgement, and blame, we can open ourselves to coming into a sacred space with money.

I have witnessed hundreds if not thousands of clients now, come into a place of peace with money, by taking the first step of “looking.” What often follows is “wow, it’s not as bad as I thought it was,” or “I can do this,” or “I am ready to create and change this picture.”
And one of the biggest gifts in “looking,” is that we begin to release the story, “If I look, then I can’t have.” We begin to create a new story that might go something like this, “I’m looking, I’m strategizing, I’m creating, I got this money thing.”

I ask you dear reader, “what in your money life is pulling you to be looked at?” What are you willing to open your eyes to, softly? Let me know. I’d love to hear and be a witness for you on your journey.
Blessings xxxx, Denise

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