Home - Denise Hughes Author Speaker Money Coach

If we aren’t experiencing the spiritual fulfillment of “enough,” in our lives, the question then becomes, “What is necessary in supporting the energy shift in the body from a space of “not enough,” to “enough?”

It is important to remember this is NOT a cognitive process. It is a body process. Cognitive processes are intellectual, body process are experiential.

Our body experiences life through our senses, which in turn influences our nervous system. When our nervous system interprets experiences as nourishing and life sustaining, we begin to lay down new wiring…shifting from “not enough” to “enough.” When our root chakra is re-wired, money, as well as other forms of abundance begin to show up in our physical world and these forms have sticking power. Inner work creates outer results.

THE TOOL OF IMAGERY

Using imagery is one method of creating the shift to “enough-ness.” Why? Images are mental pictures that create a new experience in our bodies in the way of feelings. Imagery lays the ground-work for “what can be created.” If we can get comfortable in our bodies with imagining what “enough” feels like, we can begin to create an experience of “enough” for ourselves in our physical world. Imagery can help us move through our fear. In the book, The Science of Getting Rich, author Wallace Wattles tells us, “The Creative Power within us makes us into the image of that to which we give our attention.”

If we bathe ourselves in imagery that makes us feel good, then we begin to actually create chemical changes in our bodies. We move from pumping adrenaline (a survival hormone) to creating endorphins (a pleasure hormone). Imagery helps us to turn on our body’s internal pharmacy of good feelings, naturally.

FINANCING NEEDS FIRST, WANTS SECOND

Financing our true survival needs BEFORE anything else will also calm our nerve endings and give our body the experience of being taken care of. We can breathe more easily when we know the mortgage is paid, money is available for food on the table, gas to keep our cars running and our health care needs are met.

Happiness studies have actually shown that once our survival needs are met, more money doesn’t necessarily make us happier.

ENERGY and BODY WORK

Energy and body work is foundational work to support us in re-connecting with our core. Working with my breath in yoga has taken me to deep core places…and in these places I’ve uncovered lots of stuff getting in my own way of “receiving enough in.” As I’ve been able to open to more receiving in my own life, I find the quality of my breath change. My exhale is getting as long as my inhale. I am with-holding less. I find I can chant with greater volume and more depth. Constrictions are released.

Besides yoga, there are other forms of energy work. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) founded by Gary Craig is aimed at bringing equilibrium to energy disruptions in the body.

You can explore what energy and body work feels right for you. There is much to pick from.

TALKING TO OURSELVES IN THE SPIRIT OF LOVE and COMPASSION

Tending to our thoughts is important (what we say when we talk to ourselves). Root chakra affirmations can be: “It is safe for me to be here.” “I love the wisdom of my body and trust it.” “I am learning to feel the energy of love and support in the cells of my being.” “I choose relationships that give love freely.” “I am the creator of my own experience today.”

TAKING A SEAT AT THE TABLE OF OUR OWN LIFE

For us women, we give up our seats at the table of life fairly easily, in order for others to have before we have. Placing our needs and desires equal to that of others is a first step in giving ourselves the experience of “enough.”

It is in my fifth decade where I am now comfortable placing my needs and desires before that of others. I am into equal energy exchanges in all areas of my life. I no longer have the desire or bandwidth to give more than I receive today. I no longer allow my Catholic upbringing and negative emotions, like guilt, to come between me and the choices I know are best for me.

Creating enough for yourself financially, may look like fully funding your retirement account over fully funding your children’s education. It may mean funding something near and dear to your heart over the “want” of another. We need to begin to take our seat at The Table of Our Lives, using money as tool, to fund first our basic wants and our deepest desires.

CONNECTING WITH NATURE

Spending time in nature is my favorite way of creating an experience of “enough” in my body. Nature continually gives us overflowing bountiful sensory experiences and fills us up from the inside out. Beauty is everywhere. There is no experience of lack in nature. One daisy doesn’t have 4 petals while the rest have 16 petals. For all that exists, there is fully enough with equal beauty. Nature shows us that abundance is everywhere.

Connecting with nature through hiking is something I’ve enjoyed for years. Hiking with friends, sweating, while sharing our deepest heartfelt joys and sorrows with one another fills me up spiritually. For me, nature symbolizes and helps me internalize the sacred connectedness we all have with one another. When hanging out in nature, I feel more connected to myself, to others and to God. This feeling of connection gives me strength and a deep knowing that whatever is going on in my life, I have support and love…a soulful feeling of enough.

BEING GRATEFUL FOR WHAT IS

One year at my husband’s Tai Chi Retreat, his teacher taught us a “kindergarten gratitude” exercise for adults. Here’s how it goes: Close your hands into fists and raise them above your head. Think of things you are grateful for and as you do, release one digit for each thought of gratitude, until your hands are out-stretched in the air above your head!

That was about ten years ago and I am still doing this exercise daily. Over time, I have actually felt the change in my body’s chemistry. I used to be a complainer and focus on the negative. Truly, this simple little exercise has changed my life and my body’s chemistry.

What we focus on multiples. There is a spiritual shift happening regarding the American dream. Where the focus used to be on “more, better, bigger,” the shift is to be thankful for what you have and to live life in this space. This is a big spiritual shift.

INVITING MONEY to STICK AROUND in our ORBIT

Think about how good it could feel to invite “money” into your life in a more intimate way, like you would a good  friend. Get closer with your money. Think “hug” energy. Play with cushioning your bank accounts with money. To start with, begin creating a cushion of enough in your checking account and then other accounts. This shifts you from “living on the edge,” pumping adrenaline, to having room to breathe and relax more around money. Imagine money having the sticking power of velcro rather than the sticking power of a post-it when it comes to hanging out with you in your accounts.

THE EXPERIENCE OF ENOUGH AS SPIRITUAL FULFILLMENT

Spiritual fulfillment is an inside process. When I tune into the core of my being, listen deeply to body wisdom, and create experiences of “enough” in my life, I feel spiritually fulfilled. This is a sacred place and space. Money can’t buy it. We spend less when living in this space because our experience is one of fullness rather than emptiness. Once had and reclaimed, no one can take it away. It is my inner divine light and your inner divine light that brings peace and a sense of well-being to the core of our being.

Many of my clients come to me…as high earners…with a feeling of “never having enough money.” It doesn’t matter how much they earn, they always feel they don’t have enough. If this sounds familiar, please keep reading. This blog post is for you.

With clients experiencing “not enough,” in spite of earning well over 100K  (not including large bonuses), I often ask these clients to begin to create images of what “enough” would look like in their lives. When I hear, “that scares me,” “I’m afraid”, “I don’t feel it is OK to want more,” or this invitation brings forth great emotion” my experience knows there is often an issue at the root chakra.

The root chakra is one of the seven centers of spiritual energy in the human body according to yoga philosophy. This particular chakra is about support and represents our most basic of physical needs, that of food, clothing, shelter and other basic needs for survival. When energy is blocked in this chakra, issues of safety, trust and a denial of a basic self right to have and to be are present.

Blocks in this chakra are aligned with a core belief, that love or a part of oneself will be rejected if “MORE” of any form of abundance is allowed in. Money is one form of abundance, as is relationship, living on purpose, new opportunities, health and love.

Please understand it is at this base level, at the core of our being, where the spiritual energy of “not enough” lives. This energy lives in the cellular memory of the body’s experiences and is expressed in the feeling of deprivation, lack, or scarcity.

How did this cellular experience come into being? Usually from early trauma, neglect or basic needs not being met early in our development. We weren’t nourished in ways we needed to be nourished. Each of us has our own story around this (I certainly know the story I’ve carried for years).

The stories we hold to be true about “not enough,” at the cellular level, are linked to limiting beliefs at the cognitive level. Here are some examples of Root Chakra beliefs contributing to “lack.”

EXAMPLES OF LIMITING ROOT CHAKRA BELIEFS

(these aren’t rational. they usually live in our blind-spot. that’s why we may not be aware of them)

“If I have more money I won’t be loved.”
“My family outcasts friends and people who appear to have more money than they do.”
“If I earn more than my husband, he will find another partner because money means manliness to him”
“If I have more money, I will be abandoned.”
“If I have more money, someone will take it away from me.”
“Whatever I create will be taken from me anyway.”

These internalized beliefs from long ago, that truly don’t belong to us, were given to us as hand-me-downs from other,s and we have lovingly taken care of them for much of our lives.

Earning more money won’t fix the experience of deprivation in the physical world. Because what will happen is that when more money comes in, limiting beliefs will place a teflon coating on the new earned money and it will go right back out of the orbit that it is trying so hard to come into. Why? Because MORE money will begin to create an experience of enough. And, the core energy in our body is telling us it isn’t safe to bring in more. Something bad will happen. So our behaviors (ways of thinking, doing and feeling) find ways to keep the FEELING “of being broke” alive…while keeping the experience of “MORE or ENOUGH” out of our orbit.

This is sometimes why people spend more than they earn. Our money choices are supporting the current wiring of “not enough.” It is a reason why we spend money on season tickets for the Giants and say we can’t afford healthcare…or spend money on hobbies and entertainment while struggling to pay the rent. When we make money choices that keep us living in the RED (a place of deficit in our bank accounts and bodies) we are re-creating the “not enough” experience that keeps us living in survival mode.

IF this blog post resonates with you, I invite you to KEEP IN TOUCH a couple of ways here.

(1) Drop me a note and let me know if I can support you and help you shift out of the “not enough” space into “enough.”

(2) Stay TUNED for next week’s post on how to begin creating this shift.

Here’s to YOUR “enough-ness!”

Spiders are everywhere right now and cobwebs I take down one day are built in the same place the following day (those busy little spiders). Some days, I walk right into the web and get my face all twisted up trying to get the sticky web off of me. Oooooh!

Well, the truth be known, I have a similar experience with some of my thinking around money. One day, I think I got the cobwebs all cleaned up in my thinking and the next day, voila…they are there to greet me again.

Well, I’d like to stop getting caught in one particular web of my thinking about earning money. The thinking goes like this, “You got to work hard to earn money.” REALLY? Well, this is a re-occuring web cluttering up my brain and the cells of my body. My “emotional” center believes this even though my brain KNOWS it’s not true. So how do I “un-root” this belief?

A wonderful training, with Olivia Mellon, I recently did helped me up-root this belief. In my training, Olivia introduced me to “money dialogues,”  which is on page 98 of her book, Money Harmony. I thought “hmmmm,” that’s interesting. I have dialogues going on in my head all the time. Well, it is a VERY different process to actually take pen to paper and write the dialogue out…than to be mentally aware the dialogues are going on.

So, here’s to transparency with you, my reader. Just because I’m a money consultant doesn’t mean I have it all figured out. It just means I am constantly working on resolving my own money conflicts, helping others to do the same and celebrating breakthroughs!

DENISE’S MONEY DIALOGUE

About the belief, “You got to work hard to earn money.”

Money:

Why do you think you have to work so hard to have me?

Denise:

It is what I’ve only known to be true about you. That you come through hard work and I don’t want to work harder. I am 55 and want you to come to me differently now. I want you to come effortlessly.

Money:  

I am easier than you think. All you have to do is to ASK for me more. Invite me in. Get the “hard” out of your mindset. Think “FLOW” like a river NOT “HARD” like a rock. I like it better that way too.

Denise:

You think you are so smart!

Money:

I am smart, so are you. I am here right at your door…now open it with ease

Mom:

What you are saying doesn’t make sense to me.

Dad:

No words, just a shake of his head with disapproval.

Universe:  

They (your parents) don’t know me like you do. You KNOW my true nature. They told you lies about me they believed were true. Let the lies go. Now you know me and we can do our own thing…our new song is “flow flow flow!” Stay open to  receiving Denise.

One of the gifts of this dialogue for me, is I’ve taken the wisdom from it and started applying it to my life. I made a vision board of “FLOW.” I am ASKING the Universe to support me in creating my new financial vision.  I am consciously bringing forth a different energy to “earning,” an energy of invitation, softness and open-ness. I FEEL this shift in my body. My nervous system has taken a deep inhale and a full exhale. You can do the same, apply the wisdom from your own money dialogue to your life if you choose. In case you wanted an abbreviated process of Olivia’s money dialogue exercise, it is below.

OLIVIA MELLAN’S MONEY DIALOGUE (short version)

MM: How would you respond to our reader who asks, “How do I get a loan back from my sister who bought a pedigree dog after I lent her $800?

DH: I’d like to back up a bit. Before any money changes hands, it is the responsibility of the lending sibling to set the payback parameters of the loan amount (just like the bank does). This includes “what the money will be used for,” if that is important.

So, if no boundaries were set up front, no clear communication, this is a set up for “silent expectations,” which can be disastrous when it comes to money and family relationships. Silent expectations pave the path to broken agreements, eroded trust and relationship resentment.

This can be a learning experience for both siblings. They need to talk it out, share how they feel, move forward, and do it differently in the future.

Done right, family loans don’t have to hurt finances or relationships. When boundaries are set and agreements are honored, what can unfold is a “clean” transaction both financially and emotionally!

I think you would agree… even though it’s not a human relationship, the relationship between women and money is lifelong (first it buys us toys and then it buys us long term care). While we can divorce our partners, become widowed or end relationships that no longer serve us…money hangs with us through thick and thin and is a medium we engage with daily.

Like any relationship, the one between women and money, has it’s complexities. As we work through our fears, struggles and pain with money, we have the opportunity to step into a space of personal power, freedom, and security. In my own life, I’ve found working through my projections, fears and scarcity mentality about money has brought me to a space of emotional and financial freedom (regardless of the amount of money I have in my bank account).

I’m going to “think out loud” with you about WHY it is important for us women to have a healthy relationship with money. I invite you to post your “think out loud” thoughts with me here in the comments below.

We make better decisions

We make better decisions for ourselves and our family when we have our money handled. We don’t have to sacrifice our values and emotional health while staying in relationships or career situations just for the money. I think all women can relate to this…earning our worth and learning smart money management skills keeps us in a place of personal power and keeps our emotional health front and center. The bottom line is we have MORE freedom, more choice and make better decisions for ourselves and our family.

I learned first hand from my mom how important it was to be able to stand on my own two feet financially. She always told me, “you never know what life will bring your way, go to school, build a career and always bring in your own money so that if anything happens you can always stand on your own two feet.” My mom was “asked” to leave her corporate job when she was pregnant with me. She was told, “women can’t be dependable at work if they have children (it was a different time).” Over time, she became dependent on my dad’s earnings and in some way, this crimped my mom’s experience of freedom for herself and her family.

We create smoother transitions for ourselves

We open ourselves to creating smoother life transitions when we are financially smart.  Whether it’s getting married, having children, going to school, getting divorced, unexpected illness, moving through loss of a spouse or parent…all transitions require emotional energy. Personally, I find it comforting to know that I can fully direct my emotional energy to a transition rather than split my energy with financial worries. Transitions can be stressful enough without the added worry about “do I have enough money to make it through this the way I want to?”

Money in the bank gives me breathing space, time to process, play with possibilities about how I’m going to move forward in the transition presenting itself to me. I think that is one reason why I am a good saver. I save to take care of my future self because I know she has high freedom needs.

We can give more

We can give more and give longer when we first create a stable financial base for ourselves. Women are givers. We want to help our children out with school. We want to help our parents out. We like to give to causes and charities to make the world a better place. If we establish a solid financial base for ourselves, we can continue to give throughout our lives without jeapardizing our well-being over the long term. It goes back to that old airline saying, we need to put our own oxygen mask on first.

By not taking care of our own financial situation first, we make ourselves vulnerable, limit choices for our well-being in the longer term. I don’t think any of us want to create a situation where we depend on our children in our later years or county services, but this is exactly what we create when we don’t put ourselves first. I can’t emphasize strongly enough,  that caring for ourselves FIRST financially is a NEED and that comes before taking care of another’s WANTS.

Honestly, this isn’t a lesson that’s come easy to me. Just now in my 50’s, I’m learning how to “receive” and feel good about it.  I’m learning how to wisely “spend” my time, energy and money while evaluating the rate of return with each of these energies. Marie Nemeth’s book, Mastering Life’s Energies has been a Godsend for me to help me in this area.

We can be more creative

We can spend more of our brain space on higher level activities…like creativity,  our passion and soul filled next steps and manifesting dreams. When our brain space is occupied with how we are going to pay our mortgage or meet our monthly bills…our energy and brain space get taken up with these lower level survivor needs…and we have less energy and brain space to create with. It all goes back to Maslow’s heirarchy of needs…certain needs have to be met first (survival needs) before we can move up the pyramid to higher level ways of being in the world.

I remember with clarity how it felt when my husband and I were in 60K of debt, when our bills became debts, and when the tension was so thick between us “over money.” I am glad those days are gone, yet my nervous system can recall them with great clarity. This was not a time, where I had energy to dream because I was in survival mode. It took lots of work to dig ourselves out of this space and it is not one I ever want to go back to.

Think out loud with me about Women and Money, a relationship worth investing in for now and our future selves!