Home - Denise Hughes Author Speaker Money Coach

MONEY CONFLICTS

Have you ever wondered what the cost is to not being on the same page with your partner financially? In my own marriage, it not only cost us actual dollars…we paid quite a sum for the wedge our differing money attitudes created in our relationship.

There was added stress about the practical worries of living paycheck to paycheck, growing credit card debt, not being able to save money and knowing this path we were on could not sustain us for the long-term.

I wish we would have reached out for help sooner rather than later (it’s a life lesson for me to ask for help) because we could have saved ourselves and our relationship un-necessary stress. Live and learn!

I want to share with you a brain dump I put together of the true cost of money conflicts. See if you relate to any of these. Would love to hear your feedback.

THE TRUE COST OF MONEY CONFLICTS

1. Feeling out of control financially
2. Heavy burden and loss of freedom from credit card debt
3. Pressure to work more to earn more
4. Stressful communication dynamics and tension
5. Fear and insecurity about the future
6. Stress related health problems
7. Emotional and spiritual depletion
8. Worry and financial pre-occupation
9. Lost dreams and and unrealized goals from not working together as a team
10. Despair, hopelessness, grief over lost dreams

The cost of money conflicts is a price beyond measure. I know, I experienced every one of these symptoms until my husband and I opened ourselves to help that turned our lives around. One of my favorite quotes is from Anais Nin. She says, ” And the day came when the pain to remain the same was greater than the risk to change.”

It is important for you to know that most likely, deep down, you both want the same thing. What keeps you from being on the same page? Is it lack of a common vision? An inability to communicate in an effective solution-focused way?  Lack of clarity about your numbers? Challenges preventing you from creating time and space to manage your finances? Living in blind-spots of limiting money beliefs? What is it for you that is creating money conflicts?

COUPLES AND MONEY

Making money work in marriage is difficult for couples. Most of us aren’t prepared going into marriage, with the know how to bridge differing money attitudes with our partner. We may not know how to negotiate or prioritize expenses, apply basic financial principles to our lives, or work as a united financial team. No wonder so many couples experience money conflicts. Here are some things that helped us.

Money-Skill Sets For Marital Harmony

1. Gaining CLARITY in every aspect of your financial picture. This means being willing to “look” at what is. After all, your numbers are merely a reflection of the behaviors you bring to your financial life as a couple. So, “looking” at your numbers is going to help you “see” what behaviors are behind those numbers. Stepping into clarity is an act of courage and a reclaiming of your personal financial power. It really is hard to change your financial picture when your financial numbers are fuzzy and you aren’t sure where you stand. Fuzzy numbers don’t guide you to the best choices for your particular situation.

2. TALK about money as a couple (as much as you talk about other things). Set aside time each week to problem solve your money puzzles that come up. Weekly check-in’s are a must when it comes to knowing where you stand in comparison to income available and expenses requiring your attention.

3. TACKLE limiting money beliefs or mindsets that do not move you forward to your highest goal. Sometimes, the symptoms of a limiting money mindset comes out in these ways: over spending, impulse purchases, under-earning, not being able to save while earning, hoarding money and basically behaviors that create distance between you and your money! If there is a gap between what you desire your money picture to look like and what it actually is, the odds are a limiting belief is present.

4. RECONCILING DIFFERENT VALUES is a must. Both of you need to be on the same page and share a vision of what you want to accomplish in your financial life. Maybe this is creating a solid foundation for your family which leverages you to build wealth. It is important to verbalize your thoughts about what you want to create, agree on a mutual vision and then take action toward your vision.

Couples and Money-Biggest Reasons To Be in Alignment

• Money is the biggest stressor in the lives of couples in America!
• You can build wealth twice as fast with the help of a partner who is on the same page as you
• You can role model healthy money behaviors to your children and leave them a healthier legacy than the one you received as a couple
• Alignment brings with it the energy of peace, control, focus, security and FUN! Don’t you want the foundation of your home to be harmonious?
• You will receive and experience increased FREEDOM from being in alignment
• You can give more and help influence the planet or your causes to grow in positive ways

Couples and Money-Resource Books

Couples and Money by Victoria Collins, Love and Money by Jeff Opdyke and For Richer or Poorer by Ruth Hayden

Couples and Money-Homework:

Implement one of the above skill sets in order to breathe new life into your personal financial picture!

Couples and Money-Question:

What is one behavior YOU can change to bring you and your partner into financial alignment starting today?