Home - Denise Hughes Author Speaker Money Coach

FINANCIALLY TURBULENT TIMES

We are in financially turbulent times. Turbulence is energy that stirs up the pot of life. It’s the stuff that creates drama, crisis, discomfort and fear. When things aren’t working in our financial lives, some level of turbulence is present.

Checking accounts bounce, credit card debt increases, savings accounts vaporize, worry occupies large amounts of our brain space, our thinking shifts to survival, our mind-set becomes one of “lack,”  and money just isn’t working the way we want it to in our lives. These are all signs of financial turbulence.

Long periods of turbulence aren’t good for the body, mind, spirit or bank account. So, when turbulence hits, it’s best to invite the lessons in it’s trying to bring and take action to return to a more stable, peaceful place.

The spiritual energy of turbulence is a positive force in the change process. It is the energy that blows out stagnation. It is the “breath the Universe” uses to get our attention to bring light to areas of life that aren’t working so well.

If we embrace this energy, we invite in re-newed clarity, focus and grounding. We then raise ourselves to a higher level of well-being and this is how we evolve to our highest potential through the gift of turbulence.

Most of us are experiencing some form of financial turbulence in our lives today from the aftermath of the 2008 economic downturn. Some have lost their homes and/or household income has been drastically cut from job loss or illness. Companies are requiring employees take some form of mandatory time off to make it through these challenging times.

If your job and income have not been effected, consider yourself blessed. You are still experiencing higher costs at the grocery store and gas pumps. Expenses are going up disproportionately to income coming in. This too creates financial turbulence.

NAVIGATION STRATEGIES FOR FINANCIALLY TURBULENT TIMES

Financial “Hunkering Down” Skills

In order to move through the aftermath of these financially turbulent times, we need to get back to basics. Getting back to basic means practicing “hunkering down” skills.

Examples of hunkering down skills are: reducing expenses, maximizing resources and not leveraging ourselves with debt. It means using our house for shelter and not an ATM machine. It means a return to saving money before spending money.

In our home, we are practicing hunkering down skills too. We recently revisited the difference between a “need” and a “want.” We are using the definition that a “need” is something we would still pay for when income isn’t coming in.

Our grocery bill was creeping up and we needed to shave off $250 a month. So we came up with a plan to purchase most groceries at Costco in bulk (one shopping trip a month) and to supplement with quality produce at our local market weekly. So far, it’s working. Less trips to the grocery store save us money and time! Nice!

We carry out twice a month instead of twice a week. This is a substantial cost savings of $300. Yeah!

We also re-evaluated all of our insurances with our broker to make sure our coverage is adequate and cost effective. This was a savings of over $1000 a year.

Besides consciously managing income and expenses, emotional and spiritual skill sets are needed as well to navigate rocky waters.

Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Anchoring Techniques

Anchoring techniques are really about finding ways to return to our center of calm in turbulent times.

Physical movement is an anchoring technique. Movement releases anxiety in the body and turns “on” our internal pharmacy of endorphins that make us feel better. Movement gets our blood circulating and clears out the cobwebs in our thinking. It gifts us with a more expansive perspective and better solution finding ideas.

Having a trust in an energy bigger than ourselves can help stabilize our inner chemistry. Some people believe in God, Source, a Higher Power, the Divine or their own Highest Level of Being. When I am in the middle of a crisis in my own life, I try to see the blessing and lessons from the crisis. This isn’t always easy and I sometimes don’t like the lessons. I find comfort in creating a belief system that supports me however. You can create a belief system that supports you too, even if you don’t believe in a higher life energy.

You can repeat phrases or words to yourself that comfort your heart and soul. You can say these out loud or silently to yourself. One of my favorite phrases I use as a screen saver is, “When Nothing is for Sure, Anything is Possible.” Hope anchors me. What words do you use to soothe yourself?

Mental imagery is yet another powerful anchoring technique. When a worried thought appears, discipline yourself to pop it out of your head and replace it with a soothing image of your choosing.

A final way I navigate through turbulence, is I am very aware of people, places and things in my life that energize me as well as what drains me. I am conscious of my choices today, more so than ever, on what supports and feeds me emotionally. This means that I also release and “let go” of what doesn’t work. This isn’t always easy. Sometimes, my people pleasing part gets in the way of what is really best for me.

What techniques do you use that work for you? What anchors you in financially turbulent times?

Women and Money and Sex!  What possibly can money and sex have in common? For starters, they are both “hot” topics, quite personal, can be mind-altering, more is usually better on both accounts, and either can bring couples closer together or tear them apart.

Do you realize, the same criteria we women bring to our sex life can be applied to our money life as well? You’ve probably heard of that saying, “how you do anything is how you do everything.”

Sex and Money share common rules of engagement, and when followed, can take you to new heights with your partner! Here are a few juicy, sexy, savvy, modern ways, women and money can prosper!

Don’t Share A Bed With Someone You Wouldn’t Share A Checking Account With

When it comes to sex or money, don’t you want to know about your partner’s sexual or financial health before you decide to get naked with one another and go all the way?

Going all the way can be hazardous to your health IF your partner hasn’t been totally transparent with you.

What if your partner has Hep C, HIV, HPV, or a sexually transmitted disease. Wouldn’t you want to know this ahead of time in order to take the necessary precautions to protect yourself? Of course you would.

What if your partner has gone through serial bankruptcies, has a credit score below 500, doesn’t pay bills on time, has a gambling problem, or doesn’t have good financial hygiene? Wouldn’t you want to know this before you say, “I do?”

Transparency creates intimacy and trust. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, especially when it comes to sex and money. Don’t you deserve to be with a partner who has your best interest at hand, some one who looks out for you, and shows you through words and actions their level of caring?

Choose A Partner Who Cares About Satisfying Your Needs

Good sex doesn’t happen if one partner only thinks about themselves. It can leave their partner feeling frustrated and emotionally taken advantage of.

The same is true for a partner who is not concerned with co-building assets. Honestly, why get married if you aren’t interested in creating a shared vision, mutual goals and building a foundation of wealth for your family?

There are many scenarios where couples don’t operate on a united financial front, for various reasons. This can cause lots of problems. I’ve heard many stories from women about how shocked and devastated they were when their husbands died. They thought everything was “taken care of financially,” only to find a mound of debt, lapsed life insurance policies and no money in the bank.

I have to say here that since most women outlive their male partners, it is their responsibility to know the status of all aspects of personal finances.

Sometimes, if a partner is sexually with-holding, they may also be financially with holding. It is important to be with a partner that cares about and is able to help you meet your needs and visa versa.

Doing Both Once A Week (Sex And Minding Your Money) Has Significant Benefit To Your Health, Longevity, And Happiness

Having regular sex releases a hormone called oxytocin. This is a super hormone. Release of oxytocin improves sleep, gives one that warm feeling of generosity, connection, and sex improves cardiovascular health as well. It keeps blood pumping to all areas.

Having regular and meaningful financial conversations decreases the amount of cortisol (stress hormones) running in the body and promotes relaxation and peace.

Money talks matter. They strengthen your ability to work as a team and to find solutions to your money conflicts.

Changing Positions With Your Partner Creates A New View

With sex, it’s important to be willing to change positions with your partner and try new things. Not only does variety spice up your sex life, it keeps your brain open and elastic in ways to have more fun.

As we age, our bodies go through lots of muscle and joint changes that require us to do things in a different way.

Often, savers and spenders marry. Many people marry a partner with opposite traits. It can be a fun exercise to switch roles or positions with one’s partner. For example, have the “saver” in the relationship take on the “spending role” for a weekend. Have the “spender take on the saving role” for a weekend. See what new learning comes from this. It can be eye-opening.

Now it’s your turn. What rules of engagement can you think of that can be applied to women and money and sex?

PSYCHOLOGY and DEBT

(IF YOU ARE IN A HOLE, STOP DIGGING)

Debt is usually a symptom of a core issue rooted in your psychology and money management skill-set. Examples of core issues are: under-earning, impulse-spending, living in a money fog, not being able to save money, and not being on the same financial page with your partner.

RELEASE YOUR DEBT MIND-SET

Go Macro

Go Macro means, get down to the finest details of where you spend your money, what you spend it on, why you spend on what you do and compare that to how much money is coming into your checking account each month. This in itself is an eye-opening exercise. To help you get to this macro level, you might want t purchase the MoneyMinder on the Financial Tools Blog.

Uncover Financial Genetics and Psychological Blind-spots

Examine your financial genetics, your psychology! Often, we live in behavioral blind-spots and this gets us into real trouble. Your early money training may be ruling your money habits. If you feel that money is controlling you rather than you controlling your money, this is a tell tale sign you are living in a blind-spot.

Examine behaviors that keep you in debt. Examples of debt behaviors are ways you think, feel and act to support staying in debt and growing your debt. Here are some examples of psychology and debt behaviors: (1) using your credit card to purchase what you know you can’t afford and what will become a revolving balance on your account (2) telling yourself you deserve things, you work hard and you should have what you want (3) that you “can’t take your money with you when you die” (4) that saving money isn’t important because you are going to work until you die.

Identify Your True Needs

We all share four psychological needs besides the physiological need of survival. Those four psychological needs are: love and belonging, fun, freedom and power or influence in our lives. Ask yourself what psychological needs (which are internal self-esteem needs really) you are financing with your money. This is important because you will need to learn to finance these needs in a different way, with different skills rather than with your money. The reason is, money doesn’t fill the need, it only grows the “emptiness” you feel inside and empties your bank account at the same time…so you then are growing a bigger emotional and financial hole.

End Dependency Behaviors With Your Card

You have a relationship with your credit card whether you realize it or not. Most likely, your card(s) have been there for you in times of low cash flow. They’ve been your back-up in tight situations, maybe they’ve saved you from embarrassment when you’ve been out with your friends. They allowed you to live beyond your means and actually have given you the illusion that you have more to spend than you do. They’ve allowed you to purchase your wants regardless of the amount of money in your checking account.

If you think you don’t have dependency issues with your credit card, then take all of them out of your wallet and observe how you feel. See if you can live life one day at a time without your cards.

As a final thought, mind your psychology and debt behaviors and be willing to do the footwork to regain basic freedoms in your life.

PSYCHOLOGY and MONEY

Psychology and money are deeply woven together and most people don’t understand how important this relationship is to their overall happiness.  Your financial picture is greatly influenced by your internal attitudes and beliefs (your psychology) you hold to be true about money? Most people don’t know this and live in their sub-conscious blind-spots way too long.

Do you know your intelligence has little to do with how financially successful you are? Your financial success is more determined by how well you can break through emotional blocks, limiting beliefs and patterns of behavior that distance you from your relationship with money.

The thing is…most people don’t have all that great of a relationship with money, because they project onto money negative thinking and emotional states. Negative thinking and emotions are fueled by fear. Fear causes us to avoid, neglect and procrastinate. Are you beginning to see the link between psychology and money?

Some people earn great money but can’t keep it. It’s almost as if they have a teflon coating with money. Others have a hard time earning and receiving. Some people struggle with saving money. Others spend beyond their means. Some people have chronic patterns of getting into credit card debt, getting out and then going back into credit card debt…never seeming to be able to live debt-free, even if they are high earners. These are examples of money problems fueled by one’s psychology.

Sometimes, we try to finance our internal self-esteem needs with money, which doesn’t work and only grows a deeper empty feeling inside of us. If we don’t know how to truly meet our internal human self-esteem needs (love and belonging, freedom, personal power, and fun) then we can spend enormous amounts of money trying to finance these needs. Here yet is another link between psychology and money.

Your Psychology and Money Portfolio

Your unique Psychological Portfolio is made up of your beliefs, money history, attitudes, experiences and current day behaviors you practice that help create your current money picture. Your Financial Portfolio is made up of your investment and savings account, debt balances, net-worth and earnings. Your psychology and money are linked by an invisible umbilical cord. Your psychology is the blood flow that feeds your money picture. The blood flow is made up of your money mindsets, emotions and financial habits.

Psychology and Money Questions

Ask yourself these questions in order.

• What behaviors am I willing  to let go of in order to create the financial picture I desire?
• Would letting go of this behavior help me to reach my full potential?
• What support and resources do I need to reach my goal?

If you want a different financial picture, begin to examine the relationship between your psychology and money!

Financial Coach

Who is the best professional to consult to help you find financial solutions that address your concerns? It really depends. Lets take a look at the similarities and differences between a Financial Coach, a Marriage Therapist and a Financial Planner. Over the years, I have hired all three but for different reasons.

Financial Coach – Integrating Psychology and Money

A Financial Coach helps you to understand and change your relationship with money for the better, linking finances with psychology. Financial Coaching addresses issues of chronic debting, under-earning, cash flow management, effective financial communication with one’s spouse, over-spending, inability to save money, overcoming scarcity mindsets, and a myriad of other personal finance issues.

A Financial Coach helps you explore the past (where your money beliefs come from) in order to understand the present, but the focus is on creating what you want in the future. A Financial Coach understands your money picture is the result of the thinking, emotions and actions you bring to your relationship with money. Solving money problems has little to do with one’s intellect. It has more to do with breaking through emotional blocks and limiting mind-sets.

A Marriage Therapist

Therapy is based in the medical model and the therapist is in the role of clinician. Your symptoms are assessed, then you are given a diagnosis based on the DSM (diagnostic statistical manual), and then treated accordingly based on your diagnosis.

It makes most sense to see a marriage therapist if your money problems are a result of a primary disorder; such as untreated bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety disorders, gambling addictions, or deeply seated unconscious patterns of behavior rooted in early childhood. When couples are working through relationship issues, they often see a Financial Coach and a Marriage Therapist. When money issues are addressed, root problems in a couple’s relationship, may show themselves more clearly.

Therapy’s major focus is healing the past through understanding the past. Much of the focus is on family of origin issues.

A Financial Planner

A Certified Financial Planner is focused on helping you line up your resources to meet your short and long term goals. Your Financial Planner is a master at coordinating your big financial picture by bringing together your estate, retirement, investment, risk (insurance), and tax plans. Your planner makes sure all of these plans are current and are in alignment with one another.

A financial coach, may be just the right professional for you if you want to gain control of your finances, break-through emotional money blocks and find freedom and make peace with money.